reverse engineering

Over on Problogger, Darren Rowse has started up another Group Writing Project with a theme of “Top 5″. So in the tradition of reverse engineering, I offer you this..

Ahem!

Top Five Reasons NOT to Tweak Your Mind!

1. “I’d miss all my invisible friends.” ‘Nuff said.
2. “Fix my mind to work better? But then people might expect me to DO … you know… SOMETHING…”
3. “My mind is perfect as it is, thank you!” (Oh, I totally relate! That’s why your dog ran away with the UPS guy, you spend every other night in a TV induced stupor and you can’t remember where you put your keys. Don’t fix what’s not broken! )
4. “I don’t believe in upgrades. It’s all a scam to get you to buy more stuff.” (Every path to hell begins with one step.. an upgrade! Tell the truth.. you’re still running Windows 95 on a 486, aren’t you? )
5. “Shhh… I shouldn’t be telling you this. But the government is behind all this mindtweaking stuff. This so-called “tweak” is really an implant so they can control your thoughts.” You’ve got me. It’s all part of the reptoid-alien plot.

And A Special Bonus Answer:

“MindTweaks? Aren’t those some sort of snack cake?
No thanks, I’m on a diet! “

MindTWEAK: Badumbum!

Over on Elemental Truths, Reg has trotted out 10 TipsFor Utterly Destroying Your Blog And Credibility, and closed the post with the following Added Value Truth:

How fun is THAT?

So I thought I’d apply the method here… This is the disturbing result:
10 14 Sure-Fire Ways To De-optimize Your Mental Registry (ie: your brain)

1. Help yourself to the sugar bowl, preferably stirring it into a triple espresso, first thing in the morning. YeeeHAW!
2. Keep a cluttered desk – a messy environment is a messy mind!
3. Never meditate. Instead, compulsively Google “online meditation tools”. Blog obsessively about the results.
4. More sugar! Glucose rollercoaster = your new BFF
5. Surround yourself with negative, needy people. Lots of them. Make sure they have all of your phone numbers.
6. Don’t screen your calls. Always, always interrupt whatever you’re doing so your friends can call and ask if you’re busy. Say “No.” (Works best in conjunction with #5)
7. Lots of caffiene. Very little water. And while you’re at it.. toss out those vitamin capsules. Fill the empty jar with sugar cubes.
8. Be a productivity tool junkie: Try out a new productivity system every week for a year. If you keep your life in a constant state of reorganization, actual productivity will never be an issue.
9. ALCOHOL! (Preferably, alcohol with sugar in it.)
10. Be non-commital. Commitment = focus, and who needs focus? Start 20+ projects at once. Be scatter-brained, and convince yourself that it’s multitasking.
11. Find the TV remote. It’s your new BFF. (glucose is sooo yesteday) Flip through all 258 channels obsessively. Don’t actually watch anything that could catch your attention and cause you to focus.
12. NEVER keep to a schedule. Make one if you must, but never refer back to it. Wakeup whenever, eat whenever, and fall asleep only when you can’t stay up anymore.
13. Speaking of sleep…Minimize your sleeping hours. The less you sleep, the more time you’ll have to muck up your mental process!
14. Overachieve. Instead of writing 10 ways to fragment your mind, write 12. Then search for a 13th, find a 14th, and spend at least an hour rewriting and debating which ones to keep. In the end, keep all of them; a good list is never done!

And with that, I’m off to get some coffee (extra sugar, maybe a wee bit of whiskey), find my TV remote, and wait for someone to call and interrupt me!