Muck Up Your Brain For The Holidays: 7 Sure-Fire Tips!

Even though I’m running around like a over-wound reindeer this Christmas Eve-Eve, I didn’t want you to think I’ve forgotten you, dear MindTweakers. So here’s your holiday gift: unasked-for-advice on how to un-train your brain!

1. Run In Routine Ruts.

To be in tip top shape, the brain needs novel, new, and challenging experiences, so be sure and avoid them! A guaranteed technique? Be sure and watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” at least 10 times over the next few days, and you’ll numb those neurons for Noel before you know it.

2. Stress, Stress, Stress!

Relaxation is good for the brain, so be sure you leave no time for it. Tips? Rush rush rush your schedule, and buy presents for everyone within 3 degrees of separation; the stress on your checkbook should translate well into stress on your brain.

3.Sleep? What’s Sleep?

Sleep deprivation is the quickest way to shorting out your memory. Having hyper kids around for Christmas is a great way to avoid sleep, but if you’re short a few, just adopt a puppy. That’ll do it. (Trust me on this one. *yawn*)

4. Cookies and Pies and Cream Puffs, Oh My!

The brain needs quality fuel both for moment to moment function, and repair/regeneration. So if you want to really gum up those glial cells, stay away from the veggie and fruit trays, and head for the treats. Given enough sugar, even a healthy person’s glucose levels will be all over the place, increasing stress as well as denying the brain its necessary nutrients.

5. Be Seasonally Sedentary.

Why move around if you don’t have to? Exercise increases blood flow, stimulates multiple areas of the brain, and does who-knows-what-other-kinds-of-good. Better to just sit on that couch watching James Stewart one more time. (And no, wrapping packages doesn’t count as a workout. I still expect pretty paper and a bow on mine, thank you)

6. Have Too Much Cheer In Your Egg Nog.

In moderation, alcohol isn’t really all that bad for the brain - so be sure and overdo it. To really exploit the brain damage potential, get yourself falling-down-drunk, stumble down the stairs, and give yourself a Christmas concussion!

7. Be A Grinch! Be A Scrooge!

Studies have shown that social contact and activity is very beneficial to the brain - so avoid it at all costs. If forced to be festive, respond with exceptional gifts of grumpiness, guaranteed to alienate your family, friends and neighbors! Done well, this one simple step can eliminate future social opportunities well beyond the holiday season. You’ll be free until Valentines, at least.

So there you go. A whole week’s worth of tips on using the holidays to make the least of your mental functions, allowing you a handy-dandy excuse for whoever’s presents you forgot, the thank you notes you aren’t going to get sent, and all the names of distant cousins-in-law who you’ll never remember!

Merry Memories and Happy Holidays,
Tori Deaux