"I Speak…"

Well, I do!

Sometimes I speak in a self conscious, half silenced and stammering voice. Other times, I speak with confidence, humor and certainty. Occasionally, I speak in images, lines and colors, messages formed with paintbrushes rather than vocal cords. And when I speak to God, it may be in syllables of untrained dance rhythms and motion.

Sometimes I speak too much.

Often, I speak too little.

And every once in a while, I find myself speaking silence, silence that might be rooted in sacred zen stillness or a neurotic need to fade into the shadows.

But What Does It All MEAN?

“Speaking” for me, translates to finding and using my “voice”, my personal expression of self, vision, purpose, and momentary whateverness.

Voice has played a curious role for me in life… I always wanted to sing, but allergies play havoc with my voice, and so I mostly just whisper along to the music, never quite sure when my dulcet tones will be reduced to a tone deaf frog’s slippery balladeering. And I can be dreadfully shy about speaking up without disclaimers and explanations, with a nearly phobic fear of my well-intentioned, casual words being held against me in a court of law; somewhere, some how I’m certain I’ll be judged by them, and given no chance for further clarification.

This fear of the consequences of my own voice has caused me to largely keep my artwork private, prevented me from taking music or dance lessons, caused me to freak out at film horror images of mouths sewn or otherwise sealed shut,and it is, no doubt, largely responsible for my suffering with privaticus neuroticus.

But even in that fear, I speak because that fear itself compels me to speak for those I fear have no voices themselves, or who have yet to find the way to shape their thoughts into expressions.

Deaux, Get To The Damned Point Already…

Ok, ok… I’m sure you’re wondering just what brought on this rambling exposition, and what inspired me to turn speaking into a soul-summarizing declaration of identity and purpose.

Funny you should ask, because it’s all part of the Craving Balance workshops run by Lisa Gates and Beth Gordon, two women who don’t seem to have much trouble speaking, themselves.

They call what they do “Fabulousy sensible goal setting for smart women” and it boils down to a wonderful productivity and organizational system specifically for women’s lives and brains; a very different approach from the male-dominated Getting-Things-Half-Done and Too-Damn-Many-Folders productivity systems we’ve seen in the past few years.

Rather than building your life around externally imposed business structures, Craving Balance is all about finding who you are, pinning down your personal values, and letting your life organization flow from within, They’re starting a new session up in June, and the introductory teleseminar is… wow, tonight! May 13th (Oops. Way to be on the ball, Tori! If you happen to read this before 4pm Pacific, you can sign up for free here. )

Last month…

I had the chance to play lab rat in their very first teleseminar series, and it was pretty darned interesting Mind you, it would have been more beneficial if I hadn’t wound up with a product launch right in the middle of it, causing me to lose balance and miss the final web-class, but even so, the concepts really did help me to rebalance and recenter. There was work on finding values, assessing tasks, working with calendars…

And the biggest take away, for me?
You guessed it.

“I Speak.”

A personal, guiding declarative statement that serves as a description, a safety net, a guide and a goal that helps restore my balance.

How does it help restore balance? Because it doesn’t say “I speak confidently” or speak meaningfully” or “I speak well and clearly” or even “I speak words that make people like, respect and throw money at me.”

There’s no value judgement, no restrictions, nothing to stifle my voice or limit my expression.

It’s a simple, unadorned, statement of expression and intent - no, it’s less pretentious than that even… it’s a statement of fact.

So…. I Speak.

What do you do?

To learn more about the Craving Balance teleclasses, check this out:
Group Teleclasses: Sensible Goal Setting for Smart Women If you’re in the Santa Barbara area, you can attend classes in person. Or you can just pick up the workbook for $19 and get a bonus of a 30 minute free session AND a discount on the courses themselves. (Egads, that’s a steal. And Lisa said the Brain Camp price was too low?)