When Shoulds Get In The Way…

This morning, my Web-Sensei/friend (Check him out: TheProductionDojo.com ) called me up for one of our periodic rambling phone calls. We covered a range of topics, including Tim Ferris’s 4 Hour Work Week, the pursuit of happiness vs symbols of happiness, and why some CEO’s make more in a week than we’ll make in our entire lives.

A lot of it is blog worthy, but it was a much simpler exchange that motivated me to actually sit down and write.

The convo went something like this…

MindTweaks: “Hey, did you see my posts on “never a word? I cracked myself up. ”

WebSensei: “Er… No. I actually didn’t subscribe to your RSS ’til yesterday.”

MT: “It’s ok. I took like 4 years to subscribe to your main blog, you know.”

WS: “Yeah, but I’m a better friend than you are… which, oddly, is why I didn’t subscribe.”

MT: “Huh?”

WS: “See, you’re a lot about design and presentation. So as your friend, the design of your page should matter to me - since it matters to you. And just reading the RSS Feed would be like .. cheating. In order to really appreciate what matters to you, I should to go to your actual blog, witness and admire your presentation “

MT: “But you never, in fact, actually visit my blog?”

WS: “Erm.. No. Not really. I’ve gone when you ask me for help with something. Once I accidentally wound up there while searching for a Live Writer bug fix, and thanks again for that!”

MT: “You’re welcome, I’m a good little pseudo-geek girl. But… how does all this make YOU a better friend?”

WS: “It doesn’t… that’s my point. The thought process was flawed. In trying to be a better friend, and read your blog the way it SHOULD be read, I wasn’t reading it at all… because I rarely go to blogs. I read RSS Feeds. So in the end, I decided to be a mediocre friend and just subscribe. Besides, you write cool stuff”

Ok, he didn’t actually say I write cool stuff. But he would have, you know. Especially if I tossed in a gratuitous photo of Jessica Alba for him. And for the record, his mediocre friendship beat’s most people’s best-of-show version.

But the point to all this rambling is he got caught up in <cue ominous music> *The Shoulds*.

I know a lot about The Shoulds; we spend quality time together. They attend my holiday dinners and birthday bashes, as well as happily tending to my art, writing, and social projects. They’re fond of making helpful comments like When faced with a task, The Shoulds pelt me with cliche’s like “If you aren’t going to do it right, why bother doing it at all?” and “That’s nice dear, but wouldn’t it be better if…. ?”

I listen, and I get caught up in how it should be done, the perfect way, the right way, the one true way to bring out the full potential of each act.

But here’s the catch: The Shoulds have no relationship to how I can and will actually do things. When I focus on them, I don’t *do* anything; I’m busy waiting until I can do it the way it *should* be done.

I don’t answer my email, because I really should say something clever when I respond. I don’t comment on a blog entry because I should make my comment meaningful. I don’t put the dishes in the dishwasher because I should clean out the fridge while I’m at it.

It amounts to a lot of good intentions, not much productivity, and occasional hurt feelings from friends who think I’m ignoring them. (I’m not, of course… I’m just waiting until I can spend the time with them that I “should”.)

Enough with The Shoulds. I’m kicking them off of my couch, taking back the remote control to my life. I resolve, right here, right now, to start *doing* more, and *should-ing* less.

So there.

I’ll start just as soon as I finish fixing up the formatting of this post.. oh, I should add a graphic or two, and check with the aforementioned Web-sensei to be sure it’s ok if I call him my Web-Sensei

Oh Bother….

MindTWEAK: “If you aren’t going to do it right, why bother doing it at all?”
“Because it needs doing… Duh!”