Building Bridges Of Neuroplasticity (and more whining about my lack of structure)
In response to my grumbling about disrupted habits, a generous reader offered some productivity coaching. I’m taking her up on her offer ( I’ll be writing more about our exchanges later) but this morning I woke up with some new insight into my organizational/structure issues - and they’re kind of freaky.
But what else would you expect, from me?
Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to record some of these thoughts, and see what kinds of responses they trigger in others. Do readers relate? Have you had similar experiences and concerns? Or are you just wildly amused by my mental meanderings? Read on, and find out.
A Matter of Building Neurological Bridges
It’s not like I’ve never had structure in my life. There was school, there were jobs, there were regular hours and responsibilities.
And even working on my own, I did have a structure that worked for me for a number of years. It was flexible, ritualistic, anchoring, worked with my self-reflective nature instead of against it, and kept others involved in the process as well. It wasn’t fully developed (but it was getting there) when a series of life-changes derailed the process. But those particular paths in my brain are already laid out, if somewhat overgrown. They could be repaired,the encroaching brush trimmed away, the potholes filled in.
Most of those "repairs" can happen naturally, as the actions are taken and the brain rewires itself.
The trouble is… I’m not exactly sure how to get there from here. It’s as if someone bulldozed the connecting paths, and brought in piles of rubble to block the way.
I think that’s the major challenge to work on. Not developing an entirely new system or structure, but building a bridge that connects to the old structure.
Issues of Trust
I really hate to admit this one, but… I have serious trust issues, when it comes to structure.
I don’t trust established organizational systems to allow for the odd combination of structure and flexibility my life demands, or for my quirky personal issues. I don’t trust other people to be consistent in their support for my attempts to establish structure; I don’t trust them to follow through and help out when their ideas turn out less-than-perfect for me, I don’t trust them to even follow their own structure and system, most of the time (meaning I can’t rely on them as dependable, either)
And I don’t trust my own self-discipline - I don’t trust myself to stick with the program when I get bored, frustrated, disoriented or hit difficulties. I don’t trust the systems themselves to carry me through those periods of poor self-discipline, confusion, and frustration, either.
My distrust is so deeply seated in experiences and failed experiments with family, school, partners in business, creative projects, and romantic relationships that I doubt it’s worth trying to correct. It’s better to work around it, to recognize that my distrust is part of the rubble I need to build a bridge across in order to get back to the systems that I know work for me.
So. Anyone Got A Bridge For Sale?
Cheap? 
More seriously, this is the sort of thing I turn over to my subconscious, letting the imagery do its thing. It’s very likely that some day this week, I’ll wake up, and that neurological path back to my previous organizational methods will just be there, built as if by magic in a dream.
This is why I love the concept of neuro-plasticity, the idea that what we think actually physically changes the wiring in our brain. When I studied shamanism, I came to understand the imagery of spiritual journeys as a graphical-user-interface, and that by working with the images that arouse in my mind, I was somehow altering the process of my thoughts in a fundamental way. Neuroplasticity backs up that idea in a big way, and suggests that looking for a thought-bridge back to my old organizational habits can have real and physical effects on my brain.
So an imaginary bridge in my mind becomes an actual neurological path.
How cool is that?
And what do you think about all of this? Has your daily ritual and structure ever been disrupted without an obvious replacement? Have you ever struggled with a distrust of structure itself, or been through experiences where you had to build a mental bridge back to old ways of thinking? Feel free to ramble in the comment section!
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Tori,
Very interesting post. I can identify and have this to say:
Trust nobody but yourself to provide the structure you require. You may have to learn to trust yourself beforehand but I venture, that is the easier of the requirements you need. I do not want you to ‘mistrust’ people for their inabilitites to provide you with something. Just don’t rely on them to do so at all.
Make yourself absolutely self-providing in as many brainside aspects as you require. That way you retain independence and avoid dissapointment at others. This is of course all aside from your immediate family. Mr Tweak needs to be in your personal zone where trust and reliance walk hand in hand and are unquestioned.
I am correct in saying that the lack of structure relates to others instead of intimates?
Also don’t work around anything. Work through them. Dissecting the issues allows for analysis of sorts and facing the scary bits does quell the ghosts. And lastly - get your own bulldozer and clear that rubble. Quickly. Do it. Engage it and you may find it was not the horror you might be dreading to confront.
Pretty soon you will have all the structure you need because you will put it there, use it, tweak it, collapse it, renew it, punch it, rip it, stomp on it, puncture it, stretch it and rely on it and not have to worry that others will fail your expectations. Instead they are not required. And this is a good somewhere to be for a longish while.
Cheerio m’dear!
Ta ta until next time
PS: Delete this if its deemed irrelevent.
So. Anyone Got A Bridge For Sale? Cheap?
Well, Ms. Deaux, I hear Sarah Palin turned down a bridge. Yet, she’s still on her way to nowhere in her current campaign, imo. (Sorry. I’ll leave the politics out of this blog . . .after I worked in my Palin shot, that is. )
As you know, I too have had a series of life changing events basically turn me into Girl, Interrupted. And I also have come to distrust reliance on anyone or anything but myself for the most part.
After the first really big life changing event, I set out to lose weight. And I learned quickly that it was entirely up to me. Well-intentioned others who vowed to be partners in exercise or diet soon excused their ways out. When I was able to not resent that and just learn to accept that it was *my* journey and not look to others to help make it happen was when I made real progress. Reliance on others to walk one through one’s own journey makes one deaux-ranged, Tori, you’re right. (Clever how I worked in Tori Deaux there, huh?)
Also, the first time I lost a close loved one was when I learned the only way beyond grief was through it. Walking right through that rubble and avoiding any tempting “short cuts” or detours (that, ultimately led to another place and not beyond) was the way out. So I wholeheartedly agree with that suggestion of yours, too.
well when i try to plan out things..some other priority usually eats and spits out my pre-planning into pieces..though i try to be dead line oriented it can get painful to stick it out..at present, events in my personal life have taken so much precedence that my studies have gone for a toss..or maybe its a convenient excuse..i was supposed to have finish my project last month..and am still stuck some place midway..seem to lack the drive and ethusiasm to finish it..i should say this..i did start off with a great bang..but now have s lost focus and most important passion for it..and i desperately need a good pep talk to get on with it or shove in my keester to stop wasting time and finding excuses..haha..whichever way you wanna look at it..i guess i have whined enough for today..dunno if the ramblings made any sense at all..but do keep writing your posts Tori..am having fun seeing someone else in pain..sounds cruel.yea i know!