who are you

After the interview with Dr. Id, I walked away with one clear, new understanding: In our modern world, a fixed, lifelong identity is not necessarily a constant.

The same theme is reflected in the “making meaning” posts; ”meaning” is not a constant thread through our lives, but a shifting changing thing, which often requires our active participation.

Similar shifting patterns are showing up in the workplace - previously stable job expectations of a 20-40 year worklife with one company are eroding, replaced by short term project-teams, consultants and temp workers.

Relationships are changing the same way; instead of a pairing expected to last for a lifetime, or even decades, “long term relationships” are measured in years, and family units have drastically changed.

A less obvious reflection of this idea is in plate-spinning productivity — the stress on focus isn’t not on a single, constant goal (a job, family, hobbies, a book) but on balancing and maintaining a shifting table of projects and interests.

All of this flies in the face of a major cultural expectation: that we should have a single defining purpose or goal in our life, that we need to find ourselves once, and then be done with it.

I’ve never quite bought that idea; I’ve always felt we each fill many purposes and places in our lives, some of them simply by happenstance, some of our own making, and some which seem fated (whether by some holy power or unavoidable circumstance doesn’t really matter). Each circumstance, each situation requires that we “find ourselves” in a new way.

I believe this… and yet, I’m thrown every time my life reinvents itself. In part, this is because my belief isn’t really grounded in our culture, but it’s also because I don’t have any real tools to keep me stable through the changes.

If our jobs, relationships, sense of meaning, and over all identity is not a constant - we need to find new ways of finding some sort of personal stability, some new constant.

Over time, I’d like to explore some of the ways we can better deal with these changes, find a constant core to who we are, an identity that makes sense and sustains us throughout the shifting territory.

Have you got any suggestions? Any tricks or tips on how you discovered, invented, or found a “self” which carries you through the most turbulent times? I’m not quite sure where this idea will lead, just that it’s bound to be somewhere interesting. __________________________________

MindTweak: There’s something immensely amusing about an psuedo-anonymous blogger writing about identity, don’t you think?
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I was blathering with a friend the other day, when the topic of Adult Identity Development came up. I wasn’t exactly sure what that was, but it sounded mind-tweakish, so I asked him about it. I also asked if we talk about it here so you could find out, too.

He said yes. So Yay.

Sadly, my friend is afflicted by the cursed disease of Privaticus Neuroticus (I told you it was contagious!) and he wishes to remain anonymous.

With that in mind, I’ve taken it upon myself to give him his very own pseudonym: Dr. Ivan Dognonymous, Dr. ID for short. ID for Identity Development, ID for Identity, ID for the id. (And I hope he forgives me for the Dognonymous part.)

So… Ahem.

What Is Identity?
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MT: Hello, Dr.Id… and first, let me say I’m glad to have you here on MindTweaks! You’re an expert in Adult Identity Development, right?

Dr.Id: I study it, anyway. I’m not sure I’m an expert!

MT: Do you mind if we start at the beginning? What exactly *is* identity in this context? I thought I knew, but… isn’t it our idea of who we are?
Id: Roughly, your “identity” is your sense of self in the world… It’s what we call psychosocial.

MT: Psychosocial? Would that mean that identity is a mix of both psychological and social factors? Internal and external ideas of who we are?

Id: Yep.

MT: So identity Development looks at how individuals come to identify with their role in society?

Id: More than just one role… Identity is usually a mix of roles we take on in the world. Examples of basic roles might be son/daughter, brother/sister, friend, worker, and so on… many others are applicable as well.
MT: So because we each fill a lot of roles in relation to the world around us, we have a complex identity made up of them. Got it. And I can see that studying how all of that develops….

And Adult Identity?
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MT: Why study “Adult Identity” specifically? That implies there’s other types, too…

Id: Yes. Your identity as a child and as an adult may be very different - and different processes of development are involved at different stages of life.

MT: Can you talk about those stages?

Id: Sure! In childhood, identity is largely prescribed from outside. Expectations from family and society press on the child, and shape the options available. Since children aren’t yet fully able to see themselves from the outside, looking in, their ability to form their own sense of “self in the world” is limited.

In adolescence, that changes - individuals are capable of deeper self-reflection, and that causes a shift in how they form their identity. This is why society (at least modern, Western society) sets aside a prolonged period to exploring identity options, so the adolescent identity can come to some resolution. It’s when people are allowed room to “find themselves” while a set of greater social constraints remains in place (we don’t encourage adolescent exploration of “murderer identity,” after all.)

By the time they reach adulthood, society expects a fairly stable identity to have been developed.

MT: A stable identity… like settling down into family, a job, a stable identity and reinforcing factors… things that not only allow a person to relate to society, but allows society to relate back to the person?

Id: You got it.

Changing Developments
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MT: But why Adult Identity Development, if an adult’s identity should already be formed?

Id: That’s the expectation — but it doesn’t really fit anymore.
Modern culture is shifting and changing profoundly. Those changes can make maintaining a fixed adult identity unrealistic, problematic, or even impossible.

MT: I think I’m following… but would you give an example?

Id: Here in the US, society expects that most people will retire at about age 65, and we have structures in place based on that expectation

MT: Right… Medicare eligibility, Social Security… hmm… and some companies have forced retirement about that age, too. I guess they reinforce the idea of retirement at 65.
Id: Exactly. But the reality is changing that expectation. Americans are enjoying substantially better health, and living longer, than ever before. At the same time, they’re dealing with increases in the cost of living.

These changes are allowing and/or forcing many people to continue in the active workforce for a longer period. Some need to work to cover what their “retirement” income doesn’t… other healthy, retired individuals are pursuing second careers they always wanted, or are actively pursuing travel, studies, any number of things.

MT: … and that doesn’t fit with the retired and sedentary image we have of seniors, I guess.
Id: No, it doesn’t. Note that the changes suggest both a degree of choice and a degree of challenge; some of the changes to identity happen by choice, some in order to meat a new challenge.

Struggles And Solutions
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MT: Hmm… I can see how changes in technology, in the workplace, ways we work and communicate, economics, terrorism, STDs…. studies in science and neuroscience and the history of religion - all of those things could affect we define and express our identity, and they’re all changing rapidly…

Id: Yes, and society neither anticipates nor handles these sorts of changes very easily. Adults are therefore shaping their identities in this period in uniquely individual ways.
MT: I’m getting the idea that the struggles with personal identity and meaning that so many of us are going through aren’t necessarily due to psychological issues, but that the world has changed, and many of the our ideas about how we expect to fit into the world no longer fit.

So changes in our lives are creating new challenges to our identity, and I’d imagine new solutions, as well?

Id: New solutions may be arrived upon, but to some extent, we are having to try solutions that may not have much of a trial period.

For example, the experimentation of the elderly with new explorations at age 65…do we know if individuals can sustain themselves financially in this new era? No, not really. Do we know what impact the prolonged lifespan will have on support for the younger generation (with wealth usually passed on by virtue of inheritance)? No, not really.

At the same time, I would certainly want to argue that elderly folk should have complete freedom to explore all available options. In part, I support that idea because that is the freedom I want.

Reshaping
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MT: Can you give some examples of how adults are reshaping their identities?

Id: Professionally, both men and women are changing careers in significant ways as never before. Some change in order to adjust to new values - wanting to spend more time with family, less stress, etc. Others change in order to pursue a new interest - “I always wanted to fly an airplane…I’m giving up my bank job to be a pilot!” for example.

The average age of first marriage continues to climb, and many are choosing to never marry. This does not mean, necessarily, that they will not reproduce - which again changes the roles people are in.

Individuals are pursuing more non-conformist possibilities, from fetish exploration to avant garde political affiliations. Mind you, not all adults are doing this, but more options are available, and are being pursued, than ever before.
MT: Do you think these changes are part of why so many alternative lifestyles are cropping up? Explorations of other religions, cultures, sexualities?

Id: I do, indeed. People are looking around, seeing certain areas of dissatisfaction in their lives, certain areas of conformity that they are not willing to maintain, and choosing to pursue alternatives.

Final Thoughts
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MT: Do you have any suggestions for readers on how to cope these challenges and changes to our identity?

Id: My advice, if I may be so bold, is to understand two things…

First of all, no matter how much our culture stresses individuality, society remains a powerful shaping force in all of our lives.

Take our careers as an example. With determination and luck, a few of us can manage to occupy archetypal occupations like blacksmith or royal princess. But no one has a job like warp drive mechanic or surrogate reproductive machine supervisor — the jobs just don’t exist, not yet, anyway. Most of us have to settle for jobs that society provides demand for currently.

As diverse as our world is, there is still a finite number of jobs that society encourages, so society still exerts tremendous influence on us to conform.

MT: I see your point….

Id: Secondly, the power to shape your life, to the extent it is possible, is really yours alone. If you dream of becoming a novelty supplier for harmonica players or an instructor in advanced Klingon language, only you can make that happen (if it can happen). If it can’t happen, then only you will know the angst of accommodating whatever realistic alternatives exist.

Somewhere in the tension between society’s influence and individual preference is where you will find yourself.

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I’d like to thank Dr. Id for participating with us, as well as tolerating the rather questionable moniker I inflicted on him.

He asked me to note that while the answers here are not necessarily academically precise, we should have gotten the general idea.

MindTWEAK: “Ironic, isn’t it.. two anonymous individuals, discussing identity?”

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