Tipping Sacred Cows: moo, baby, moo!

Ever tipped a sacred cow?

No?! Why not? It’s the cow’s meow, er… I mean moo, of course.

Here’s how to go about it:

Tonight, when your significant other is all cuddly and just on the edge of sleep, put on your most sincere expression, lay a hand gently on their shoulder, lean over quietly…

.. whisper one of the following in their ear:

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“Sweetie, are you awake? No, I mean.. really.. are you sure? What if you’re already asleep, and you’re dreaming this, and I’m not really here asking you this? What if I don’t exist at all, what if I never existed, and YOU NEVER WOKE UP?!?”

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“Honey? What if God is secretly invests our tithings in offshore gambling casinos? Do you think we should ask Rev.Jones to request an audit of God’s books? ZOMG, what if He invested in Enron?!? ALL OF CREATION MIGHT BE BANKRUPT”

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“Do you ever wonder if maybe the Earth IS flat after all? Maybe all the spherical science is a government conspiracy, and all that separates us from the vast emptiness of outerspace is few yards of tree roots, sewer piples, and gophers?? OMG, what if we fell into a gopher hole and THROUGH THE EARTH??? Get UP! We have to go to Walmart for gopher bait RIGHT NOW!!!!”

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Any of these queries should cause your victim partner to roll over and give you “That Look”.. the one that freezes ordinary mortals in their tracks.

But you are not an ordinary mortal, are you?

No, YOU are a Sacred Cow Tipper and you will not be intimidated. When they give you The LOOK, stare them straight in the eye.

Now, let out a great big MOOoooOOOO, right in their face.

Properly executed, this moove will cause your partner to reach over and shove you off the bed with a satisfying THUD.

It’s not QUITE as much fun as actual cow tipping, but you can stay in your pajamas, and there are fewer cow-patties to step in.

Ok, ok, stop looking at me like that!

There is a method to my madness!

Before I explain, let’s be sure we’re all on the same dictionary page.

The term “sacred cow” is often used to describe a belief, idea or assumption that is beyond question, often religious.

“Kicking a sacred cow” means to break a strong taboo (such as questioning the unquestionable) and sometimes, its used to mean testing a belief, to see if it really holds up under scrutiny.

“Cow tipping” is a time-honored practice among bored country folk. Every so often, we sneak into the pastures at night, slip up behind a sleeping cow, put a hand on their flank, and then SHOVE. If the conditions are just right, the cow’s knees buckle, and down the bovine goes. (If conditions are wrong, the cow *doesn’t* fall, but turn on us with a vengeance. This never ends well.)

“Tipping sacred cows” describes my habit of sneaking up on a subject, then shoving over, flipping it upside down and checking its teeth. (I know, the teeth thing is an entirely different metaphor. Sorry about that. )

Mixed metaphors not withstanding…

Tipping sacred cows is a powerful mind tweak. Every so often, it’s a good idea to turning your most cherished assumptions on their heads.

Your world view *will* be challenged. Some of your beliefs will crumble and fall away, some of your foundations will be shown as unreliable, but the ones that remain will be solid, sound, and unshakable. And even if you discover your beliefs are on solid ground, the process will lead to insights, a deeper understanding of your self and the world around you.

So.. Tip a Sacred Cow Tonight!!!

(but don’t tell your partner I sent you, and don’t blame the bruises on me!)